12 Story Headlines I Wrote Down But Will Probably Never Use
I’ve fallen into the habit of jotting down possible story headlines in the notes section of my phone. This is to say, my phone is full of nonsensical gibberish most of the time. A few days ago, I decided to clean house and get rid of all of the ridiculous headlines that I likely wouldn’t be able to craft into full articles.
It was a daunting task and, in all honesty, it made me wonder about the state of my mental health.
The results are as follows:
Ten Ways The Dog Will Save You From a Zombie Invasion
Will the dog save me from a zombie apocalypse, or will she merely lure the zombies my way with her incessant barking and loud mouth noises? By not writing this story, I avoid having to imagine a world where the dog is the reason for my painful and untimely death.
Homemade Sausage: a story of wieners throughout history
Who doesn’t love a big juicy wiener? I know I do. However, I’m not confident that I can craft an entire story out of this headline. Maybe one day, after I’ve conducted more research in the wider wiener world.
13 Reasons Why Napping Ruins Lives
I’ve recently taken to napping. Like, a lot of napping. I find myself nodding off by 3 PM while at my computer trying to work. And because I am working from home, I look across the hallway, to my bed, and think, “Meh, a twenty-minute rest won’t hurt anyone.” I will wake up 3 hours later, tired and disorientated, with little to no work accomplished. Napping really does ruin lives. I’d write a story about it, but it would only put me to sleep.
Crushing Your Overlord Oppressors in 16 Easy Steps
I think we’d all like to crush our overlord oppressors right about now.
Preparing For The New Normal: a checklist
There have simply been too many articles written on this topic in the last few months. There’s only so much “new normal” talk a person can take.
30 Life Hacks That Are Entertaining But Have No Value IRL
The research that would be involved with this story is too intimidating, I cannot bring myself to start. There I’d be, watching countless hours of 5 Minute Crafts, wanting to kill myself and coming away with the indisputable knowledge that all life hacks are useless.
8 Reasons Why I Don’t Think Jeffery Dahmer Would Kill And Eat Me
Mainly because I’m a chick. This story might get too dark.
25 Point Presentation On Why My Kids Will Kill Me Long Before The Coronavirus Does
Again, so many stories have been written on this topic. I’m pretty sure there is a band of Mommy Bloggers out there putting together this very presentation as we speak. We get it, kids are the worst.
9 Pet Peeves That You Will Feel Hard As Soon As You Read Them
Pet Peeves are annoying, but this clickbaity title might be even worse.
6 Apps That You Will Love And Then Ruin Your Life Two Days Later
Mainly because the Scrabble Go app has started to consume me. All I do is play Scrabble with strangers and nap. It’s a real problem.
The Thought of Donkey and The Dragon From Shrek Doing The Nasty Keeps Me Up At Night, and Other 3 AM Thoughts
28 Things To Say When You Find Yourself Backed Into a Corner By Carole Baskin
Poor Carole Baskin is really getting the shit end of the stick lately. She does make for a great story, though.
So there you have it. By next week I will likely have another list of unusable story headlines. But I’m thinking them up, that’s the point. Keep writing folks; even if it’s weird shit that you probably will never use, you’re excising the muscle, and that’s the goal when trying to become better at anything.
P.S. If you want to hijack any of these headlines, feel free! One man’s junk is…well, you know the saying.